A Father's Dilemma
by Sabrina Empress of Insanity
Summary: If Charon could explain everything to his adopted son, what might he say?


_Author's Note: And here at last is my final Secret Santa gift to elektra3. Hopefully she has enjoyed all three of these fics! There was also to be an accompanying song for this fic, but it won't be recorded for another month because of money issues, le sigh. Should anyone be interested in checking it out, do go to my livejournal as listed under the homepage link on my profile, leave a note on the first entry, and I'll either send it to you or add you to my Friends List so you can listen to it there if you have a Livejournal yourself. _

_And you know, I've found myself liking writing fanfics for this fandom more than I thought I would…I may have to do it again sometime!_

**A Father's Dilemma**

I was not ready to be a father. I'm not sure if anyone really is, but I had never imagined I would end up being one to a child that was not even my own. I love children. I always have. I just didn't expect to be yours, not then, and not ever.

Now of course I can't imagine it any other way. But maybe that's why I messed it up a little bit. One day I was just a solitary bachelor living the way I had ever since leaving home to make my own way and then suddenly there you were, another new orphan in town that somehow I had to choice but to take in. It was like from the moment I saw you, you were the son of my heart, if not of my blood. I could not have gone back to my life without you any more than I could have killed someone.

I was afraid, though. I was good with children, you saw that yourself plenty of times, but it's one thing to take care of children for a short period of time and another to try and raise one, especially one who had suffered as much tragedy as you had. Maybe it would have been easier if you had never known your parents….it would have been less pressure for me, but who can say? And I didn't even have a proper family to bring you into. I just did my best. Raestel helped, more than I think either of you realize, and I still can't think of how to thank her for that. She helped create the illusion of a new family for you. I could make you smile and cheer you us by myself from the first day and of course Raestel was wonderful with you as well, but you seemed happiest when both of us were around. I really think that helped you to move beyond your parents' deaths more than anything else.

You were a wonderful boy, and even when I felt out of my depth I was glad to have you with me. I didn't want to spoil you and risk losing the kind, friendly, curious son I had gained, but I also never wanted to make you unhappy. It was a very fine line to tread sometimes, but I like to think that I did well, except in one area. You know what. If I had been thinking…but I wasn't. It happens, but no one who has a child to take care of can afford to stop thinking properly. I never really saw how it could hurt you at first. I dismissed my own doubts and disbelief in favor of making you smile, and that was one time when I stepped on the wrong side of that line.

My first act as a father…it was the first thing I did for you and I did everything wrong. When I saw the mark on you, alarms should have gone off. I should have listened to my instincts…but deep down, I had never entirely believed the stories passed down in our family. I believed that everything had happened once, but I never thought it would have anything to do with me or the world today. So instead of thinking, I simply told you the first thing I could think of to make you smile. "I'm sure you'll grow up to be strong. It's a sign that you are the reincarnation of the brave knight who protected the prince." What a mistake those words were. What a mistake it was to tell you the rest of the story, to let you read it yourself, to let you become involved at all.

Parental mistakes are terrible things. They can cause permanent damage. They can be fatal. When you brought Mytho to our home and named him, I thought mine would be one of the deadly ones. And I was afraid. Every day I was afraid. You were my son…how could I not worry? If the prince was real and the story was really coming to life again, it meant that I might lose you. I couldn't even bear to think about that. No parent wants to lose their child. But the fear was still there, and the regret. I loved you too much not to feel those emotions.

And yet…if I didn't feel so deeply for you, what kind of parent would I be? If I didn't make mistakes for the sake of your happiness, would I have truly loved you enough? And if you hadn't known, might it have been worse for you in the end? Perhaps it wasn't a mistake to tell you everything. Because you already knew, you were prepared. You could face destiny on your own terms. And you might never have grown into the remarkable young man you are today.

I was far from ready to be a father, and I'm sure I made plenty of mistakes, even worse than that one so long ago. But I no longer feel any regret, Fakir.

Not for any of it.


End file.
